she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
