Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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