conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
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