You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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