ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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