God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
