Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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