Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
