I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Randomize