Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
