I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
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