We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
