Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize