yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
