so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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