You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize