You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Randomize
