chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
