I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
