I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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