Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
