just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
