Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
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