It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Randomize
