Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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