nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Randomize
