oh god the rape fog is back!
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
