Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Randomize
