i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
