I can't breathe out the right side of my face
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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