That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize