I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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