Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
