dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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