Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
