Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize