how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Randomize
