well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
