Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
