Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I AM VODKA MAN
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Randomize
