She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
