you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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