I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize