did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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