Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
