it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
