Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize