I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
