Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
she was so not down for the gang bang
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
