We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I can't put those talents on a resume
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
