oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
