No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Randomize
