I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
