after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize