I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
