girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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