R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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