Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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