everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
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