A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
