I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
