so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize