glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
