Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
