I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
