I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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