I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
