you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
