hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
