Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I enjoy the company of your penis
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