I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
