I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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