I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize