SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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