Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I'm always down for nudity.
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