i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Randomize
