Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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