He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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