when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
