then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
