He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
