im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
