Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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