I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize