you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Is it penis luge time yet?
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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