And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
