My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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