New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
