Please, let me fuck your mom
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Randomize
