...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I'm experimenting with sincerity
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Randomize
