I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
