You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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