No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
