Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
