I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
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