Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
The best revenge is premature balding
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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