I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
