Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
please don't ironically join a cult
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