I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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