the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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