I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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