I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
