At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
