I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
