should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
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