Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
