tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
