We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
