remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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