I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
