youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Randomize